Today I saw someone who looked just like my sister, Catheryn. I mean - just like her. JUST like her. For a second I really thought it was her. She moved like her, her hair was like her, everything. But fake Ryn was too tall. I was standing at the hospital entrance where I had taken a client for a blood test. We were waiting for the valet guy. So I just started crying. Just right there. I watched her walk away for a long time until I couldn't see her anymore. Fake Ryn - not the valet guy.
(Somewhere in Nebraska)It wasn't bothering me so much but then tonight I was watching Everybody loves Raymond and Debra was sad because her parents were getting divorced. So she snuggled up to Ray and just kept saying, "tighter" and he would squeeze her closer. And some days I just wish I could say "tighter" to someone. Well - I guess I could just say it to someone. That would be a little weird though - they'd be like, "Um, tighter what?" But you know what I mean. A real someone. My someone.
So -- all of you with two extra arms in your house - (hahaha - my friend Heather has a little Barbie arm that she carries with her all the time and it freaks me out!) - but you know - two other human arms that aren't yours - go get tighter. It'll make you so happy.
(The Winter Quarters Temple)
9 comments:
Amy - I love you!
I guess it shows how much I know Dolly...I had no clue.
But really - I know I'm not the "someone" you are talking about - but I'm giving you a HUGE virtual hug. You are amazing and such an example to me. I mean it. Don't forget how totally amazing you are.
(((((Amy))))) That's a hug for you. :-)
I still can't believe they've passed on and that I won't be able to see them, talk to them, or hug them for a loooong time. I still, in the back of my mind, feel like it was a strange dream I'm going to wake up from and then go hang out at their house and chat and eat pyro pit pork. And everytime I think that, it hits me again that I'm not going to see them anytime soon (at least I hope I'm not slated to die soon!).
But then I always find myself taking a deep breath and being filled with the assurance that I will see them again, that they are frequently around us helping us, and that they wouldn't want me to be sad. And then life goes on until the next episode of missing them.
It's just so crazy. You never expect you're going to lose your brother or sister so young. How I wish I would have made better use of the short time we had! I love you, Steven and Catheryn!
And I'm sending my love to you, Amy! And all your family!
It totally is ALL WRONG, and sometimes it isn't all right either. It is interesting that you would post this - since just this morning, before I read your post, i was writing about Ryn and Steve in an email to Kay, the Temple pattern lady (before I got the excellent email from ELJ) and then I went to ksl.com and read about the kids again, and again, and the videos don't play anymore, and I read some more. I don't know why I relive and reread those, but I do every once-in-a-while. I looked at a picture of Ryn and Steve on the window sill in the computer room last night - and just looked at them. They're so alive and so here - and then they just aren't. It's so sad. Tears are running down my face even now. But it wouldn't be right if we didn't feel sad and didn't miss them. Because we love them, we miss them and it hurts. And it hurts even more for you because you don't have a special person you can turn to to give you those hugs of love and reassurance and satisfaction. I am so sad about that too. I wish I could make all those things better for you and for all of our family.
But when I see your happy picture of you on the phone that I took of you in the ZCMI food court - I smile! And to see your little "seriously loves the Golden Girls" makes me laugh! I am so happy to see you happy! I hope you're feeling better today. Just as I was writing this, Dad called me, and I boohooed to him! He was surprised to hear me crying!! But it really hit me to have you be so sad too. So Amy no cry - and mommy no cry and Stacey no cry - and we'll all be SO HAPPY!! We love you! You're the most awesome ever!
How about you come over right now and Chase and I will wrap both sets of arms around you so tight that you'll feel like a human sandwitch? :) I love you so much and I can't imagine how hard it would be to lose someone you love so much. You are a strong woman and I admire you in so many ways...and yes, it is okay to be "not so happy" some days. That's just part of the human experience. You wouldn't even know what joy was if you'd never felt it's opposite. I hope you feel better and I'm only a phone call away if you EVER need anything. 472-2930
Amy - if you were So Happy all the time I would be concerned that there was something not normal about you. It is a very sad thing that happened and it will never go away, it will only hurt less (maybe). I'm sorry that I can not comfort you, I have never gone through anything like that. Your blog made me sad today because you are sad but that's ok. I would rather feel what you feel than think that everything is ok when it's not.
You are most amazing and I know that God has a special purpose for you. And I also know that Cathryn is sad when you are sad because she still loves you as you still love her. Some things don't change.
Love you! Bekah
I love hearing about Catheryn. I am truly sad that Seth and I didn’t meet just a few months earlier so just maybe I could have met her. I love hearing over and over what an amazing person she was. And I am sure she still is. I am thankful that Seth and I have you in our lives. You are a great big sister to me. I love that we live close now! We already saw each other two times this week! I love you Amy.
So, I'm a day late. Whoops.
I love this post, because I'm all about sharing the hard times along with the happy ones. That's called being real and it's very brave of you.
Catheryn admired you so much - she was so proud of all the amazing things you've done! And I know she misses you just as much as you miss her.
I really wish you'd had someone to hold you tighter right then when you needed it - but we're all [virtually] doing it! You are such an inspiration to me . . . your positive attitude (even when things are less than ideal) is awe-inspiring. Thank you for writing this and allowing us to share.
Amy, we love you!!! I don't know how I'm just now reading this. I feel bad that a whole day went by without us telling you how much we adore you! You are so so so amazing. Even on your darkest days you have such great wisdom and perspective. And you're such a great writer. I found myself laughing through my tears. You're so funny. Thanks for sharing yourself with us. We all need time to miss Catheryn and Steve. I'm sorry it was a less-than-happy day for you. Tomorrow will be better. Sending e-hugs!
Amy, you have such a wonderful way of sharing your personal experiences with wit and grace, and have such a fun way with words that make me feel like I'm actually hearing you speak. It's awesome. I so look forward to reading your blog. It makes ME so happy too! Except this one, but that is 100% okay! I am glad you are constantly keeping Catheryn in your thoughts. And you are in mine! I love you! Big Hugs!
Post a Comment